Oh life, it has such a funny way of adding its twists and turns to make things interesting, doesn’t it? With life comes evolution, change, and if you are lucky a ton of growth in this process. I feel like that latter has been a huge one for me lately. Growing and changing used to terrify me, I am talking ‘knock me off my feet and run for the hills’ type of fear, I didn’t like it and I rarely embraced it, I was a proud creature of habit. Since getting older and going through the life experiences and changes I have gone through, as well as being married to a guy who has always been a lover of change, I have learned to embrace and appreciate it; I approach situations differently in my heart and my mind, and I have been able to coach myself to find the value in change and to find the reward in peacefully adjusting to all of life’s new situations. As of lately, I even find myself looking for and craving change and evolution, maybe that’s a 30’s thing, go figure. Whatever the case, it’s been here and it’s been on my heart and mind for some time and I wanted to share it with those of you who have at some point felt the same way.
For me lately, that craving has been with this blog and my work with it. My website, my content, my social media posts, and my connection with my readers as you know has always been something I pride myself highly on. I have shared in the past that I have always wanted this blog to have meaning and purpose, not to just be a place where I tell you how cute off-the-shoulder tops are (I mean, they are but that is not currently the point). This blog over the last couple of years has become food for my soul, almost a form of therapy you could say. When I became a new mom, it gave me purpose, a place to share what I was learning and experiencing, and a place to connect with other moms who were feeling the same things I was and experiencing the same excitement and fear in the journey. It gave me a place to be creative, to take fun photos and style and share pretty outfits and home décor, it forced me to pull myself out of sweats and work out clothes every day and find and experiment with clothing styles and trends. But most of all, it gave me a purpose. Every day at Rajan’s naptime, this became my escape, I formed connections with the outside world and it often washed feelings of being tired and worn out away, because I always knew I was not alone. Somewhere over the last couple of months, I lost that connection, I lost inspiration, and I lost my purpose and reason for stopping by everyday to say hello. It became monotonous, and I let my head get too consumed with business and somewhere in that I tucked my heart and emotion away just to speed through every day with no place really to go. There were even days I could feel that in my personal life, I was having fun and enjoying time with my people, but my mind was racing and chasing something that half of the time I didn’t even know what it was. The downside of being a thinker is that you can often get lost in all of the thoughts consuming your mind, and you just do not stop and slow down; 10 times out of 10, that is my kryptonite.
I overthink, I worry, I consume myself with so much brain jumble that I have to force myself to take a step back and get to the root of what all of that means. My blog and content took a hit, and I was questioning if this was something I even wanted to continue. Maybe this was my sign to throw in the towel? Just put all of my effort into the car business and call it a day, there really wouldn’t be anything wrong with that, right? Wrong. To do that, I knew I would be giving up a piece of who I have become, this blog, my engagement, this is such a huge part of my life, it saved me when days were rough, and to give up on it would be like giving up a piece of my heart, that couldn’t be the answer. So what was it then? I had to take some time, some introspective psychological work, and figure out what I wanted this piece of my life to mean to me. Recently, after much discussion and open hearted conversations with good friends and my husband, I found it again, I found my reason to be here, and that was to get back to what I have always been in this space: an open book.
The money, the social media numbers, the comparisons, nothing and none of it has ever meant anything to me, truly. I would trade over and over again 500 photo likes on Instagram for 1 message from a reader who has shared with me how I impacted her day. That is why I stared this blog, that is who I am, and that is my purpose here. It is now time to reflect and find it within myself to produce the content my heart has been telling me to do all along, and to form connections with my readers that I always so constantly craved. My plan is to get back to the mom shares, the ups and the downs of parenting, and life as a 30-something-fashion-loving-shoe-connoisseur, and to get back to the days of being raw, honest, and 100% real. I will always share my fashion tips and finds, my beauty regimen, and kiddo goodies, but along with those things I will share my heart on my sleeve and strive every week to connect with you all in an effort to remind us all that we are not alone in this life.
I thank you for being here for me over the last 3 years, for sharing your own stories, for sending messages and comments, and engaging with me. Please continue to do so, I read every comment and every single word means the world to me, I can never even tell you how much truth there is in that. I value you, I appreciate you, and I promise to give you always the best of me. See, change and growth can be a good thing, am I right?
Embrace your change.